Age the age of 23, still young and clueless, and clearly in a red phase, I bought not one but two red microfiber sofas. Picasso had a blue phase, right? I had a red phase with leopard pillows. It was like Guns and Roses circa 1987 up in here.
Things like children and pets were not on my radar at that point, but dinner parties and drunken nights in with friends were. Those nights often involved a lot of wine, chocolate fondue, and other foodstuffs that led to spills.
The saleswoman promised, “It’s such an easy fabric to care for! It will survive years of wear and tear!”
Lies, all lies.
I’ve read “the pinterest” where promises of rubbing alcohol, baby wipes, and tears of a unicorn will clean said microfiber beasts. I’ve sat late night, with small rubbing alcohol pads, and bristle brushes attempting the remove the years of filth from small children and a messy Boston Terrier named Doodle.
These attempts at repairing the microfiber to its original state just made it worse.
Have a look for yourself.
This is my microfiber sofa, ten years in, in the alley behind our home. On my 34th birthday, mind you.
Putting this out for the junkman ranked right up there with graduating from grad school and the births of my sons.
The best way to clean microfiber is to remove all traces of it from your life if you have small children or slobbery pets. After a decade of living within a microfiber prison, we’ve moved on to more wipeable, kid-friendly fabrics.
Like what I did way back when to my microfiber-covered dining chairs. (That DIY gave me back hours of my life).
If you ever want children, cats, or dogs-opt for either 1.) leather 2.) some vegan form of leather or 3.) something with a slipcover you can wash. That’s it. Don’t let some salesperson convince you otherwise.
Look them in the face and tell them lies, all lies.
As I type this right now, my new sofa-in it’s neutral color and wipeable goodness stares me back and winks, “Hey there, I’m what you’ve been dreaming of for the past six years”. It’s like getting hit on by Brad Pitt.
The energy we expend hating things in our home isn’t worth it.
So rid yourself of the beast. The energy vampire, if you will. Let microfiber be dead to you.
Stay tuned later this week of the reveal of my new sofa. A decade in the making.
Off to recline on my new sofa,