Here at the estate: There’s puddles. And piddles. And lots of “NO! MOMMEEEEE! I HATE THE POTTEEEEE. I LOVE MY DIAPER”.
The proverbial excrement has hit the fan, well, really the floor, far too many times over the past few weeks than I can count.
I, in my insane state of mind, have taken on the Sisyphean feat of potty-training, not ONE, but TWO boys at the same time. An academy award for best-mother-of-a-child-with-autism and a defiant-WAY-too-smart-for-his-age- 2.5 year old is in order.
Wine and coffee donations will be readily accepted.
The ick factor is reduced by my history of cloth-diapering for almost 4 years. {I gave up once all my pocket diapers were destroyed because the life span of most cloth diapers is at most 2 years. I didn’t want to spend the cash when I don’t know if we having a #3 rugrat, who, in my daydreams, is a girl. Then I will have to run out and buy all ruffled-butt cloth diapers anyway. I rationalized my horror of filling landfills with disposables for the next few months, because I did the whole hippie cloth diapering-I- am- crunchier- than thou routine for sooooo long}.
Enjoy, if you will, a picture of my fat Moose at 4 months of age, sporting a camo-diaper. Sigh.
Potty-training is a hot mess. Potty-training a kiddo with autism is pure hell. I say potty. He says sucker. He doesn’t care if he pees or poops himself. He doesn’t tell me he does. Moose sits on the potty, but hasn’t peed or pooped on the potty in one month. Monkey, either. They both sit, play with their boy junk, and listen to mommy sing renditions of bad early 90s music.
My favorite: “You gotta go pee-pee” to the tune of O.P.P. by Naughty by Nature. Need a laugh? Imagine me singing, rather rapping in my 30+ white city girl voice. Yes, I still know all the damn lyrics 20 years later.
No on-to the practical and pinnable portion of this post. Do not pass go on the potty-training without these items. Seriously.
*I was not perked by any of these brands. They’ve just saved my butt in the past month.
1.) This amazing toilet teat that the King picked up at Lowe’s. The Next Step. Sure beats those puffy too small seats sold at Tar-jay that have characters on them. Or potty chairs you need to clean. Perfect for a 4-year-old kid butt. Also, your kids cannot dip their booties in the toilet water while sitting on the pot. {one of Moosepie’s favorite tricks}.
Moose also likes to bite the seat while he’s sitting on it, and tell me “Funny”.
Hilarious.
The makings of the next Seinfeld.
2.) Wet bags. These suckers will not leak, and you can toss them right in the wash with the peed on underpants and clothes. Mine are leftover from the cloth diapering days. Great for holding urine-soaked underpants and clothes. Great for the purse when leaving the house sans diaper, when of course, accidents are inevitable.
3.) Hand-held bidet. Mine is leftover for the cloth diaper days when I used to rinse the poop from the pocket diapers. Great for rinsing out pee from accidents and poop. No nastiness in your sinks. The gross factor stays in the potty where it belongs.
4.) The old-underpants-inside the pull-up trick. The kids feel they are wet. You stop mopping up pee off the floor. Great for television-watching hours when they are sitting on the sofas or your bed.
Sorry, landfill. I am tired of pee. It’s been a month. I’m sorry.
5.) At least 30 pairs of underpants. Per kid. Moose is a piddler, meaning the child pees like, every 5 minutes. Monkey is a puddler.
Now, say a prayer that Moose is potty-trained before age 5, and Monkey before age 3.
Off to scrub the toilet,
Nicolette
I know the feeling. My daughter was not potty trained until she was 4. I tried everything and anything. I just about gave up and then one day out of the blue she says to me, I want to wear big girl panties all the time (yes I used pull ups here and there) and every since then no accidents. Go figure, She just got it. Kaap the faith it will happen. Big Hugs.
Great post & tips! I remember when my son was potty training.
~Mrs. Delightful
ourdelightfulhome.blogspot.com
The only helpful thing to add is that some young men like to pee standing up – aiming at cheerios or other similar breakfast treats floating around merrily in the toilet bowl.
When we potty trained the first one, we spent a good chunk of the summer camping. There was a lot of “Aim at the dandelion, aim at the fern, aim at the sassafras, etc.” It was potty training and botany all in one. He was an every third day pooper, so that part was pretty easy.
With the second, his eczema was so bad that urine hitting his skin felt like his legs were on fire, and the pitch of his screams was frightening. He had exactly one wet accident, but it took bribery for him to poop on the potty. When he had to poop, we’d find him crouched under the dining table or behind the living room sofa. No amount of cajoling was working. We finally bribed him with Backyardigans DVDs.
Good luck getting to the finish line.
Thanks for the post, it made me smile. We are potty training our second son right now and sometimes I just want to scream. He acted interested for about 2 seconds when he was almost 2, so I got really excited and then he would tell me, “too hard work, mama, just wear these” while handing me a diaper.
We have finally had success with Pez and markers. He will do anything to get a marker and/or Pez. Funny what finally gets them to do it. Good luck, hang in there, We are cheering for you!
Great post! I’ve never seen that potty seat/lid. Genius! I also never heard the undies IN the pull up trick. So smart. Sounds like you are one patient woman! Wow. Hang in there!
Cheri
I loved cloth diapering! Now we are gearing up to potty train Parker. This could be an adventure.
Tammy and Parker
http://www.prayingforparker.com
Good to know! I need to remember these when the time comes!
I loved hte potty pic on Pinterst. Others repinned it , too. Now I found your link below and heare I am loving your blog. Sso much so that I tacked your link on to the end of my post from a month ago about potty trianing. Hope that ‘s ok. Maybe bring you some more viewers. My link is http://nonon-centsnanna.blogspot.com
Malika
google knows it
Haha, such a great article! You had me laughing!
My 22 month old had been interested in potty learning for the past few weeks & despite my putting him on the potty what seems like 50+ times a day, he’s only peed once! And this is with going nakey butt around the house. *sigh*
Ah well, it will all come together. (…Right? )
Good luck, mama! I definitely give you props! I totally agree you need gifts of fine wine & gourmet coffee!