Being a mother is hard. Being a mother with a special needs preschooler and a two-year old is like running a marathon without shoes on broken glass.
I’ve become really good at ignoring my own needs and body the past few months.
Like all good machines who are running on empty, my engine began smoking last week.
1.) I was falling asleep all day like I had narcolepsy, despite a full-night’s sleep the evening before.
2.) My skin has been breaking out like a teenager again.
3.) Craving salt. Salt. Salt. Give me some chips! Now!
4.) It’s been easy to cry. Like for no reason. In the car. When a good song came on.
At first I thought: I’m pregnant.
Negatory. It was something else.
Today, the heavens opened and my answer came by way of natural medicine.
According to Dr. N {my naturopathic physician who I adore}, my adrenals are shriveled and basically non-functioning due to chronic stress. A mother of a son with autism? Stress? Who me?
Nah, I am a cool cucumber.
I wish my stress was as simple as what enrichment activity should Moose be in this fall? What friend should he have for a playdate this week: little Hunter or Johnny?
My stress is a stack of med bills and should we fly to Texas to see that doctor and tracking poop on the calendar and measuring supplements into applesauce and baking everything from scratch and driving to OT and back and preK and back and am I doing enough?
Deep in my brain, I blame myself for his autism.
I know, I know. We don’t know why. He grew in me. I fed him the crap food. I gave him the shots. But I still do, k? That’s my own skeleton I need to exeorcise from my closet.
Each and every day, I feel guilt if I am not working with Moose every minute. I feel horrible if he’s just staring out the window or stimming with the same damn puzzle over and over again, and not pretending to be Batman or saying, “Hey mom, I’m hungry.”
I want to hire a cook and a maid, so I can just play with him all day and make it all better.
There I said it.
And I also have another kid to love and nurture and feed properly and
worry about.
And now it feels better.
But to be the mom they need, to be the woman I need to be, the wife I was to be, I need energy.
And I just don’t have it.
Not one drop of it. Any energy I’ve had has been manufactured from black coffee or Emergen-C packets.
Now I know why. I have adrenal insufficiency. Dr. N said she doesn’t know how I even drove to her clinic today.
There’s a reason on airplanes you give yourself oxygen first before you give it to your kids.
As mothers, we need to really apply that to our health and wellness. Running on fumes does no one in our homes any good, especially ourselves.
So armed with a b12 shot {my first} and a few new supplements to support some adrenal recovery and liver cleansing, I have three weeks to give this a shot.
And of course, I will bring ya’ll on the ride with me back to the Nicolette, version 3.2
I hope my “keeping it real”, gets your own house in order.
If mama ain’t healthy, ain’t nobody happy.
thank you for your kindness on my comment box.
so sorry you have health issues, too!! I have a friend whose husband has been fighting adreanal fatigue. I know it is a battle and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Their blog is called…the bed is made the world’s a mess” if you want to know them. Prayers to you, too. Thanks again for your words..
Hope you start feeling better! And I can’t wait to hear if it helps!!
lol it’s something….
I have MANY of the same day to day non stop all about only one of my kids and blame issues (yes, my own issues, mine grew in me) but you’re right, as mothers we need to take care of ourselves or we are good to no one!
Just saw a nutritionist myself and was put on new vitamins and am taking a pilates class in the fall!
http://www.stilettosanddiaperbags.blogspot.com/
You’re not alone in this. My prayers are with you.
Yep. Right there with you on all of it. Adrenal fatigue, check. Guilt, check. Am I doing enough?, check.
It’s so hard to remember (or take time) to care for ourselves when it seems like every minute is taken up with all of the worry and doing that comes with autism.
Damn adrenal gland bastards, I was really hoping you could be pregnant with me. Maybe you’re having some cross country sympothy sympotoms. My face looks like a double pepperoni pizza.
I’m glad you found a dr. who knows what the heck they’re doing. And I hope the new supplements and b12 shot work soon!!
have a good weekend honey! I’ll be thinking about you
It’s that darned guilt. Nothing wreaks havoc on a body like guilt. Sounds like your Doc is terrific. Hope the B12 helps.
You’re so right about needing to take care of ourselves first, so we can do better for our families… but it’s hard to think that way as a mom. Our instincts say to put everyone else first!
I took adrenal gland supplements when I was young and they turned my pee neon yellow (!) — but they worked. I’m sure your supplements and some attention to yourself will help, too.
Every time i read about your mom stories , makes me feel good that i am not alone raising 3 kids 1 with a special needs (my little Angel) also and every day i am draging my feet i have learn to take care of myself cus i know if i get sick my family doesnt function i know is hard but i try to do my best to take care of myself,i love your blog and i hope and pray that you will feel better .
Take it easy!! You are a great mom; now it’s time to look after yourself, too!
AS a working mom of toddler triplets, i totally get this. Hello, I fell asleep getting my teeth cleaned. The only advice I have is hire the maid
or at least someone to come clean the house once a week – worth every penny
Just found you today! What a gift. I too have adrenal burnout. Seeing a naturopath as well. I’m a single mom with two boys, one has Down Syndrome. Finding inner peace is a difficult thing. Nutrition, prayer, yoga is helping. Be gentle and loving with yourself. Take a walk. Nature is very restorative. Try to let go of the guilt. We are so very hard on ourselves. Believe in yourself and your abilities. You are great! Many blessings.
From what I read, adrenal failure is also is a genetic trait as well. Though chronic stress contributes to adrenal malfunctions. I use power sleep to regenerate some strength.
I have some tough to deal with health issues, myself. I’ll tell you what is good for adrenal fatigue, and I know this first hand, pantethine.
Although adrenal fatigue is least of my worries now, unfortunately.
I like sublingual pantethine the best. Pair it with pantothenic acid, and drink organic licorice tea. Pop a B-50 complex with each meal. It truly helps. I hope you recover:)
If you decide that you want to take pantethine, you should take atleast 900 mgs(total per day) of pantethine as well as 900mgs of pantothenic acid but divided up into 3-4 doses per day. People that are dealing with weight issues could take up to 1200 mgs.
People with adrenal issues have sluggish livers, so their livers can not convert the B-vitamins properly. For this reason, you may want to use coenzymated B-vitamins. This will take a load off of your already taxed liver and give your body what it needs and will be unable to give to you by taking regular b vitamins. Some B-vitamins you may be intolerant to. Everyone is different. You will just have to test them out.
Did your ND discuss which stage of adrenal fatigue you’re in? This is vital in treating it. Some people actually have high cortisol levels in the beginning stages of adrenal fatigue. If that is so, you will need to treat accordingly. Holy Basil is a good Adaptogen for high cortisol levels. There are many others as well.
For low cortisol levels cordyceps and siberian ginseng were very helpful for me, and they still are.
The thing that breaks my heart the most is that I’m starting to see that I passed these endocrine issues to my children. People don’t understand how important it is to truly take care of themselves. Sleep is vital, vitamins and herbs are lifesavers but they should be purchased from a health food store and not Walmart. Grass fed meats, wild caught salmon, coconut oil, grass fed butter, and raw cheeses are vital to our health.
There have been so many years of misinformation about foods. People have been lead to believe that fats are evil, meats are evil. It’s not that fats are our enemy, nor is it that meats are. Meats are very healthy as long as they are true grass fed meats. Grass fed beef as just as much Omega 3′s as fish does. But if you take a cow and feed it grain, it ends up being low in Omega 3′s and it can cause all sorts of issues.
Cholesterol is not the evil demon it was made out to be. Our bodies need cholesterol to make adrenal hormones, but it needs it from the right sources. Unfortunately, the average American has no idea that the majority of the food supply is killing them. Genetically modified food and unfermented soy is in just about everything we eat.
http://gmo.mercola.com/
http://search.mercola.com/search/pages/Results.aspx?k=soy
There are a couple of links for anyone that may read this, that may need more information. Dr. Mercola has a wealth of information on his site. He’s not the only physician, though. There are others that are aware of this and are trying to inform the masses.
I can tell you are really well informed, but I thought I’d put this up here for anyone else that may need it. If you need anymore information feel free to ask.
This comment has been removed by the author.
So glad to have found your blog. It’s nice to know someone else might understand! My son doesn’t have autism and I don’t have a husband or second child to take care of but, I don’t have a husband to help either. We’ve tried following a very strict diet since finding out my son has about 30 food allergies. Some days I do alright but most days I just feel like laying on the couch. I know I’m not lazy but that’s what I tell myself. I’ve never struggled so much with my energy or had such a hard time getting off the caffeine and sugar. I feel for you and understand where you’re at. I was really lucky to make the decision not to vaccinate but it could have easily gone the other way and then who knows what would have happened. . . Thank you so much for the inspiration and your site is beautiful. It inspires me to make one of my own. Cheers and keep up the good work!
Hi, I think I may be struggling with this now. A lot. Digestion, fatigue, depression, nigh-time excessive eating but low weight, bowel troubles (constipation), everything. Oye. WOuld love to chat to see if you have ideas. My doctors just brush me off. Email me if you can. Appreciate it!!