by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.
It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
Looks like it’s tulips and windmills from here. But I plan to write that guidebook to Holland. And share it.
Maybe start of tour company of Holland…
The irony of all this…is my honeymoon was in Italy.
Funny how things come full circle.
I love love love this post. Very well said. Thank you so much for sharing and inspiring. Hope you had a wonderful mother’s day!
isn’t it something how life brings us full circle sometimes. God has a way of providing us with these great messages if we’re receptive to hear them. very insightful.
andie
I love how heartfelt your posts are, I often end up with blurry eyes. You make me feel humble and grateful for what I have. Thankyou for keeping my feet on the ground.
Rea x
A really really great and true post!
Jo-Anna
I love this post! It is so very true..
I awarded you The Versatile Blogger Award…come check it out…
love this post and so true, couldn’t have summed it up any better <3
i’m your newest follower
tia
http://twobirdsonwire.blogspot.com/
Beautiful.
Amy @ A Little Nosh
I’ve read this before, really love it. We adopted our first child who ended up being a special needs adoption. I’ve thought of infertility and the special needs both fitting this little essay. It also opens your mind to know that even though you always just thought Italy was for you, Holland is awesome and you’d love to go there again because it is worth it!!!
wow GIRL you gave me chills on this post!! I am hugging you and you are amazing and beautiful!! how lucky your family is to have you!!
I love that story of Italy/Holland… my mom has used it with me over the years to describe more than one aspect of life.